The morning after

27 March 2017

Yesterday, in a rush of inspiration and with no forethought at all, I decided to set up a new Instagram account to share tarot and related things that my regular audience (I'm a craft blogger/knitting designer) might find too far off-topic or 'woo'. Being completely unplanned, the name was chosen on the spur of the moment too - it was the only vaguely sensible one that wasn't already taken, so I took it. It didn't stop there. Within a few minutes - from my iPhone while sat on the bed - I'd also registered this blog and domain name. It happened so fast, it was almost as if someone else did it. 
Card from Sun and Moon Tarot by Vanessa Decort
It was Mother's Day and we were busy doing family things, so I didn't have time to think about any of this until the evening, by which time I wrote an About page and added an introductory post. Then went to bed... where I tossed and turned. I suddenly wondered what the hell I was doing sharing this stuff online. Maybe I should keep my thoughts to paper or an offline document? What do I have to say about these things, that might be of value, anyway? Who would want to read anything written by a complete beginner? What will 'regular followers' think of me for being into personal development using tools that most people seem to consider flaky fortune telling devices? Questions like these were going around and around in my head and it wasn't long before I realised that I was having a Vulnerability Hangover.*

In the light of day, it's illogical and a bit ridiculous, but a little research confirmed that this is not an uncommon thing when publicly declaring you're 'into' tarot - there are numerous podcasts and blog posts about coming out of the tarot closet, such as this and this. It's obviously a 'thing'. So what is it that makes us feel so vulnerable about it? Is it the misconceptions around what tarot is and the things it can be used for? For some people, I understand there may be a potential impact on a corporate career, or perhaps they have religious restrictions - but I don't have these - I work from home and am not religious.

I am not completely sure my 'hangover' is specifically because it's tarot, though. Anything that opens us up, that shows something we usually keep to ourselves, or that isn't common to our circle of influence, can make us feel vulnerable. It's a bit like dancing - when you're alone in the kitchen and your favourite song comes on the radio, or you're at a party where everyone is dancing, you don't feel like such an idiot. But being the first one to stand up on an empty dancefloor is totally nerve-wracking for most of us.

So I'm here today, still feeling a wee bit vulnerable, and deciding whether to press 'publish'. If you're reading this, I obviously did. (Yay me!) 

Are you out of the tarot closet? Can you relate to this? Leave a comment and let me know!

*A term coined by Dr. BrenĂ© Brown describing the sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach when you realised you have done something which is a big deal for you, or that makes you vulnerable.  

2 comments

  1. Thank you for starting your blog. It coincides with my own exploration of 'witchiness' and tarot and an understanding of the natural world and a deeper understanding of myself.. it's great that it comes from someone who's craftiness I've admired for a while! Good luck!

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    Replies
    1. Oh that's great! And thank you for your kind words. I hope you'll stick around and we can explore together :D

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